An elderly Italian man lay dying in his bed.. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite ravioli wafting up the stairs.

He gathered his remaining strength and lifted himself from the bed. Gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs. When he reached the bottom of the stairs, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen, where if not for death’s agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were hundreds of his favorite ravioli.

Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of love from his wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

He threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in a crumpled posture. His parched lips parted, the wondrous taste of the ravioli was already in his mouth. With a trembling hand he reached up to the edge of the table, when suddenly he was smacked with a wooden spoon by his wife.

“Don’t Touch!” she said.”Those are for the funeral.”

Ingredients

1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
lemon juice
4 large eggs
nuts
1 bottle Vodka
2 cups of dried fruit

Sample the vodka to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the vodka again.

To be sure it is the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat.

Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.

Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again.

At this point it’s best to Make sure the vodka is shtill OK.

Try another cup ….. just in case Turn off the mixerer.

Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.

Pick fruit off the floor. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers pry it loose with a sdrewscriver

Sample the vodka tocheck for tonsisticity.

Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who giveshz a sh*t. Check the vodka.

Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.

Greash the oven and piss in the fridge. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don’t forget to beat off the turner.

Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the vodka and kick the cat. Fall into bed.

CHERRY MISTMAS!

‘To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did’.

When God takes something from your grasp; He’s not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better.

Concentrate on this sentence….. ‘The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.’

Something good will happen to you today. Something that you have been waiting to hear, this is not a joke; someone will call you by phone or will speak to you about something that you were waiting to hear.

If you always do what you always did, then you will always get what you always got!